I have to be honest, very honest, and say there were not a lot of laughs this week.

The whole world seemed to splinter into further upheaval and uncertainty. Sure, I have my political views and opinions, but I am not going to entertain them in this blog. I believe everyone has the right to their own views and opinions, and they take on the responsibility of owning them.

Enough said there.

So, I did not have a whole lot of mirth and merriment, but boy, I could have a whole load of rants.

The classic advice from Hollywood: never work with children and animals. Good advice. I’ve got another one. Never work with technology if you can help it. But then that’s not realistic in this current world, and probably just a backlash at my own stupidity.

It started with a zoom meeting. Near the end, ‘poof’, blank screen. What? Turns out I had not put the mains cable back in. Although it would have been nice to throw the antiquated laptop out the window – it is five years old, let’s face it – it was my own fault for forgetting to put the cable back in. The poor old devil needed his constant intravenous drip of electricity or else he refused to work, and I, the guardian of such an antique, should’ve checked before I started.

But technology vs guardian did not end there. I was doing some home schooling on the tablet. Three more questions to go. Poof! What? I, the guardian of all things blue screen, had forgotten to switch the power switch on at the wall, so all the pretty cable was doing was sitting pretty in the charging slot.

And so continued my week of electronic thwarting.

Not only was the hardware against me, but so was the software.

LinkedIn. Trying to get to grips with it. Successfully doing it very slowly. In my messages, I hovered over an icon. No words. I stayed where I was for a few more seconds thinking that the software was now putting its ore in for a fight, making everything pause longer. Nope. I clicked it. Message disappeared. Surely that wasn’t delete! Fortunately, I had enough composure left to work out in a few seconds that I’d archived said message, which helped the case and my mood immensely.

I wanted to reply to this particular message because it was the third person to get in touch with me from the same company about the same thing. And so, my marketing rant begins.

I’m very flattered to be included in a ‘sponsored link’ email (aka a blanket email sent out to many people, from my understanding), inviting me to apply to their company; but the thing is, I don’t match the criteria they are looking for. I had this conversation with the first person who contacted me, and the second.

From a marketing point of view, I wondered if they should keep a more detailed database and put editors like me on the ‘maybe contact in six months category’ instead of taking another blind punt with a sponsored ad.

The ‘hit the quantity to get enough back’ methodology was surely applied here. But the crux of the matter was that none of my details had been updated with this company after my conversation with the first person – and I had actually asked to be deleted for now.

Either way, it makes me feel sad that in this day and age it appears that companies’ databases aren’t being kept up to date, despite current technology. In-house marketing employees not at their best? Too distracted with social media to be bothered about the fundamental database?

Fair enough, this company has its particular criteria (and its a good company!). Just a pity with all the potential of independent authors completing their manuscripts in lockdown, the company doesn’t have a way to help editors like me gain enough to fit their criteria. I know I am capable – old adage of getting your foot in the door somewhere.

Well, enough ranting. I did find a few little things amusing at the end of the week. On looking at LinkedIn groups’ general rules, apparently you can ‘make 20 mentions within one conversation’. I assume this is to prevent conversation getting stale, or one-word answers going back and forth, or keyboards from frazzling when a heated argument gets underway with mouse handbags at dawn. Who would win getting the last word on the twentieth exchange?!

Also, you can ‘create up to three groups per day’. Sure, you have to limit things, but who has time to set up three groups per day?! I barely have enough time to check that I’ve got tea in my cup, let alone sit on a social media site for that long. Unless, I suppose, that’s what you were hired to do as a LinkedIn expert.

Well, onwards into another week. Must remember to keep the electricity on, the cables connected, and prevent the budgie from using the edge of the screen as a scratch post (story for another time).

Keep staying safe everyone.